S04E21 - The Smelly Car

No: 61  |   Season: 4   Episode: 21  |   Air Date: 15-Apr-1993  |   Production #422

Do I smell something? What am I hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.
Do I smell something? What am I hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.

Summary

A restaurant valet with terrible BO leaves an unfathomably strong odour in Jerry's car. Meanwhile, George is intrigued when he learns that his ex-girlfriend, Susan has become a lesbian.

Director and Writers

Director: Tom Cherones
Writers: Larry David & Peter Mehlman

Quotes

George: Someone stole the video right out of the car!
Jerry: Someone stole Rochelle, Rochelle?
Restaurateur: Well, you left the window open.
Jerry: We had to air out the car.

Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy.
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I can smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!

Susan: You okay?
George: Yeah, yes! I just haven't seen you in a long time.
Susan: And you didn't expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? C'mon? That's great! Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic! I've always encouraged experimentation! I'm the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you're talking to?
Susan: I KNOW who I'm talking to.
George: Of course you do...It's just, uh, y'know, I-I never knew, uh, that, uh...
Susan: I liked women.
George: There you go.

George: (about "Rochelle, Rochelle") It's not even frontal nudity. It's, err... sidal nudity.

George: (on Kramer) He stole your girlfriend?
Susan: Yes. She's in love with him.
George: Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.

Jerry: It still smells.
George: How could it still smell after all that?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: Well, what are you gonna do?
Jerry: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm selling that car.
George: You're selling the car?
Jerry: You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine! Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench! And I'll take anything I can get for it.
George: Maybe I'll buy it.
Jerry: Are you crazy? Don't you understand what I'm saying to you? This isn't just an odor! You need a priest to get rid of this thing!
(Elaine comes in)
Elaine: I still smell.
Jerry: You see? You see what I'm saying to you? It's a presence! It's the beast!

Kramer: What happened?
Jerry: What happened? My car "stinks" is what happened. And it's destroying the lives of everyone in its path.

Elaine: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?
Jerry: It means he's lying.

Jerry: Boy, do you smell something?
Elaine: Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.
Jerry: What is it?
Elaine: I think it's B.O.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: It's B.O. The valet must've had B.O.
Jerry: It can't be. Nobody has B.O. like this.
Elaine: Jerry, it's B.O.
Jerry: But the whole car smells.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: So, when somebody has B.O., the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it.

George: So, let me ask you. Do you think I did this?
Jerry: No, no. It's the valet guy.
George: No, no, I mean, driving Susan to lesbianism.
Jerry: Oh no, that's ridiculous.
George: What if her experience with me drive ger to it?
Jerry: Suicide, maybe, not lesbianism.

Jerry: Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.

Elaine: What am I, hard of smelling?

Jerry: So, this morning, I go down to the garage to check the car out. I figure by this time, the odor molecules have had at least twelve hours to de-smellify. I open the car door, like a punch in the face, the stench hits me. It's almost as if it had GAINED strength throughout the night.

George: Oh, this isn't even BO. This is beyond BO. It's BBO.

Susan: (pounding on Kramer's door) Kramer! Kramer!
Jerry: What's that? What's going on?
Susan: Kramer, open up, I know you're in there!
Jerry: Susan.
Susan: Kramer!
Jerry: What is going on?
Susan: You know what's going on? First, he vomits on me! Then, he burns down my father's cabin! And now, he's taken Mona away from me!

Manager: What do you mean-- "stunk up?"
Jerry: I mean the car stinks! George, does the car stink?
George: Stinks.
Jerry: Stinks!

Jerry: There should be a B.O. squad that patrols the city like a "Smell Gestapo". To sniff 'em out, strip 'em down, and wash them with a big, soapy brush...

Jerry: (to Elaine) I opened the car door this morning; it was like a punch in the face! It was almost as if the smell GAINED strength overnight.

(The car has been washed, but Jerry realizes that the smell is still there)
Jerry: Wait a minute! It still smells! It still smells!
(Cut to Carl's apartment, where he smells Elaine's hair)
Carl: It still smells.

George: (finding out that his former girlfriend is a lesbian) Y'know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now... It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.

Jerry: (to the restaurateur, who thinks Jerry has the BO) Well, then go out and smell the car, see which smells worse.

Jerry: You've gotta smell the car.
Restaurateur: I'm a busy man.
Jerry: Come on, one whiff.
Restaurateur: Oh, all right, one whiff.
(In the next scene, Jerry and George have the restaurateur locked inside the car, and he realizes that it stinks)
Restaurateur: All right, I give up! I admit it, it stinks! Now, could you let me out?!
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah, you'll pay for the cleaning?
Restaurateur: Yes, $50! I'll give you $50!
Jerry: $50? I don't think that's gonna cover it.
Restaurateur: Whatever you want! I'll give you whatever you want!
Jerry: I want half, 125!
Restaurateur: Yes, yes, 125 is good! Now, would you please just open the door?!
(Jerry opens the door and lets him out)

Kramer: You "stink." Why don't you go take a shower?
Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second. Since I showered, I've been in the car.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me! It's alive!

Jerry: The "B" is gone, but the "O" is still there!

Jerry: (referring to the car) This...THING...has got to be stopped!

Restaurateur: I don't have time to smell cars.
George: Forget about smelling the car. Smell the valet. Go to the source...

Notes and Trivia

When Jerry says, "It's a presence, it's the beast!" he is making a reference to William Golding's novel "Lord of the Flies".

Goofs

When Jerry and George go to the restaurant to demand that something be done about his smelly car, a woman can be seen standing behind the maitre d' in one shot, but she cannot be seen behind him in the other shot.

Cast

Jerry SeinfeldJerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-DreyfusElaine Benes
Michael RichardsKramer
Jason AlexanderGeorge Costanza
Heidi SwedbergSusan Ross
Michael Des BarresRestaurateur
Nick BakayCarl
Kari ColemanAllison
Taylor NegronHairdresser
Courtney GainsClerk
Raf MauroCar Washer
Viveka DavisMona
Robert NobleSalesman
Patricia PlaceWife
Walt BeaverHusband
Ruth CohenRuthie Cohen
Grant HeslovCar Thief