{"id":98,"date":"2023-09-01T20:14:42","date_gmt":"2023-09-02T01:14:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/?p=98"},"modified":"2023-09-01T20:15:04","modified_gmt":"2023-09-02T01:15:04","slug":"the-secret-shopper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/the-secret-shopper\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Shopper"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"seinf-before-content\" id=\"seinf-426637800\"><script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3297689279938125\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\" style=\"display:block;\" data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-3297689279938125\" \ndata-ad-slot=\"6560070089\" \ndata-ad-format=\"auto\"><\/ins>\n<script> \n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); \n<\/script>\n<\/div><h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-56\" src=\"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/seinfeld-today2.jpg\" alt=\"Seinfeld Today\" width=\"1337\" height=\"775\" srcset=\"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/seinfeld-today2.jpg 1337w, https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/seinfeld-today2-300x174.jpg 300w, https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/seinfeld-today2-1024x594.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/seinfeld-today2-768x445.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1337px) 100vw, 1337px\" \/><\/h2>\n<h2>Summary<\/h2>\n<p>Elaine gets chosen as a secret shopper but doesn&#8217;t understand the &#8220;secret&#8221; part of the job title. Jerry dates a beautiful police woman who puts a &#8220;Blue Lives Matter&#8221; bumper sticker on his car. Kramer publishes an eBook of his driving shortcuts.<\/p>\n<h2>Title: &#8220;The Secret Shopper&#8221;<\/h2>\n<h3>[INT. MONK&#8217;S CAFE &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer are sitting at their usual booth, engrossed in a lively conversation.<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: You won&#8217;t believe what happened to me yesterday. I&#8217;m dating this police woman, and she puts a blue lives matter bumper sticker on my car.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (laughing) Well, at least you&#8217;ll have some extra protection from parking tickets.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (entering excitedly) Hey, everybody, guess what? I&#8217;ve just published an eBook that&#8217;s going to revolutionize driving!<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (sarcastically) Oh great, another one of your harebrained schemes?<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: No, no, this is different! It&#8217;s a guide to all my amazing driving shortcuts. I&#8217;ve been secretly documenting them for years.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (drily) Oh, I can&#8217;t wait to read about your &#8220;shortcut&#8221; that took us through three red lights last week.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (suddenly enthusiastic) Speaking of shortcuts, guess what? I got chosen to be a secret shopper!<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (secretly amused) Elaine, you&#8217;re proud to be a secret shopper? Isn&#8217;t the point that it&#8217;s supposed to be&#8230; well, secret?<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (confidently) Yeah, but I&#8217;m so good at it that I can&#8217;t help but tell the clerks I&#8217;m secretly evaluating them. They need to know who&#8217;s watching!<\/p>\n<h3>[INT. CLOTHING STORE &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>Elaine walks into a clothing store, dressed in a casual but stylish outfit. She approaches the CASHIER.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (with a wink) Just so you know, I&#8217;m a secret shopper, here to scrutinize your every move.<\/p>\n<p>CASHIER (confused) Um, okay? Can I help you find anything?<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (proudly) No need. I&#8217;ll find what I need all on my own. Just know that I&#8217;m watching&#8230; secretly.<\/p>\n<h3>[INT. JERRY&#8217;S APARTMENT &#8211; NIGHT]<\/h3>\n<p>Jerry is looking at his car parked outside, adorned with the blue lives matter bumper sticker.<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (to George) You think this sticker&#8217;s going to mess up my paint job?<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (sarcastically) Well, Jerry, it&#8217;s not like you&#8217;re dating a cop who could help you get out of a ticket or anything&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (dismissively) I&#8217;m not worried about that. I&#8217;m more concerned about the aesthetics.<\/p>\n<h3>[INT. MONK&#8217;S CAFE &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>George is sitting at the booth with Kramer, discussing Kramer&#8217;s eBook.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: Kramer, I read your eBook, and I&#8217;ve got to say, it&#8217;s&#8230; it&#8217;s something.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (excited) I knew you&#8217;d love it! You&#8217;re the first one I&#8217;ve let in on my driving secrets.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (awkwardly) Yeah, speaking of that&#8230; I&#8217;ve been reading some, uh, reviews on Amazon.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (defensively) What? Already? What do they say?<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (slowly) Well, they&#8217;re not exactly glowing. People are complaining about how your shortcuts got them stuck in traffic for hours, and one person claims they ended up in another state.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (disappointed) Those people just don&#8217;t get it, George. They&#8217;re missing the point of my shortcuts.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (strategically) You know what you need? Some positive reviews to balance things out.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (eyes widening) You&#8217;re right! George, can you write a few good reviews for me? Secretly?<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (resigned) Fine, but only because I want this whole thing to blow over&#8230;. and twenty bucks a review.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: You&#8217;re on cowboy!<\/p>\n<h3>[INT. CLOTHING STORE &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>Elaine is back at the same clothing store, talking to the CASHIER again.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (excited) I&#8217;m back, and I just want to say, you passed the secret shopping test with flying colors!<\/p>\n<p>CASHIER: (confused) Secret shopping test?<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (grinning) Oh, you know, the one where I was secretly evaluating your performance. You nailed it!<\/p>\n<p>CASHIER: (awkwardly) Okay&#8230; Thanks?<\/p>\n<h3>[EXT. JERRY&#8217;S APARTMENT BUILDING &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>Jerry is standing outside, examining his car&#8217;s bumper sticker closely.<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (to himself) Maybe it&#8217;s not so bad.<\/p>\n<p>As he walks away, a completely bald man walks by and notices the sticker.<\/p>\n<p>BALD MAN: (approvingly) Hey, nice bumper sticker! Blue lives matter! (Shakes fist in the air)<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (forced smile) Yeah, thanks!<\/p>\n<h3>[INT. MONK&#8217;S CAFE &#8211; DAY]<\/h3>\n<p>Elaine joins Jerry, George, and Kramer at the booth, looking quite pleased with herself.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (smirking) You guys won&#8217;t believe how amazing I am at being a secret shopper. Every clerk I encountered practically worshiped me.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (hinting) Speaking of amazing things, Elaine, have you checked out my new eBook?<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (skeptical) Your eBook? The one about driving shortcuts?<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (defensively) That&#8217;s the one.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (raising an eyebrow) Let me guess, it&#8217;s full of shortcuts that lead to nowhere?<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (grinning) You&#8217;re just not grasping the genius of it.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (whispering to Jerry) Hey, how many parking tickets did you avoid with that bumper sticker?<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (nods) Yeah, it&#8217;s&#8230; quite the conversation starter. George you&#8217;ll be happy that a bald man gave it compliments.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (glancing at Jerry) A bald man? Was he a skin head?<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (sighs) A skin head? Technically yes&#8230; but a real skin head? (Suddenly Jerry looks worried.)<\/p>\n<h2>[INT. MONK&#8217;S CAFE &#8211; LATER]<\/h2>\n<p>Elaine, Jerry, George, and Kramer are sitting at the booth, each dealing with the consequences of their respective subplots.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (to Kramer) Your eBook didn&#8217;t go over so well, huh?<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (grumbling) People just don&#8217;t appreciate my shortcuts. Too bad for them. That Rockaway Boulevard tip is pure gold.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: Well, I lost my secret shopper job.<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: (to Elaine) And I guess you had to let everyone know you were a secret shopper?<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (defiantly) I was just doing my job, Jerry. It&#8217;s important to establish my authority. How about you? Are you still enticing the alt-right to read your bumper?<\/p>\n<p>JERRY: I scraped it off with a dime. Ruined my paint job. I took it to Puddy&#8217;s to see if he could touch up the paint and I got a parking ticket not 10 minutes later.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (slurping soup) Well that&#8217;s a shame.<\/p>\n<p>KRAMER: (thinking aloud) Maybe I&#8217;ll just write a new eBook about something else. Like&#8230; chicken rearing tips.<\/p>\n<p>ELAINE: (mocking) Oh, I&#8217;m sure that&#8217;ll be a bestseller.<\/p>\n<p>GEORGE: (nods) I&#8217;ll give it a good review for 20 bucks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Elaine gets chosen as a secret shopper but doesn&#8217;t understand the &#8220;secret&#8221; part of the job title. Jerry dates a beautiful police woman who puts a &#8220;Blue Lives Matter&#8221; bumper sticker on his car. Kramer publishes an eBook of his driving shortcuts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":56,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-seinfeld-today"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=98"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":101,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions\/101"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/56"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=98"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=98"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seinfeldism.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=98"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}