Summary
Kramer goes to Costco just to eat the free samples. Jerry won’t eat at a local restaurant because Poppie’s son is the head chef. George uses a food bank for free food until his girlfriend catches on.
Title: “The Food”
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY]
Jerry sits on his couch, reading a newspaper. Elaine enters, looking excited.
Elaine: (excited) Jerry, you won’t believe it! I found this amazing new restaurant downtown! The food is to die for.
Jerry: (skeptical) Really, Elaine? You know how picky I am about food. What’s so special about this place?
Elaine: (enthusiastic) Well, the head chef is Poppie’s son! You remember Poppie, right?
Jerry’s eyes widen in realization.
Jerry: (alarmed) Poppie?! You mean the guy who couldn’t wash his hands properly and got shut down by the health department?
Elaine: (dismissively) Oh, come on, Jerry. That was ages ago. His son is a talented chef, and the food is supposed to be amazing.
Jerry: (reluctant) Elaine. Poppie was a little sloppy.
Elaine: (excited) Look, I already made a reservation for tonight! You should come with me and give it a shot.
Jerry: (hesitant) I don’t know, Elaine. I’d rather not risk my no vomit streak on it.
[INT. COSTCO – DAY]
Kramer and Jerry are strolling through the aisles of Costco. Kramer stops at a display of free samples and indulges in the mini meatballs.
Kramer: (enthusiastic) Oh, Jerry, you’ve got to try these meatballs! They’re a revelation!
Jerry: (rolling eyes) Kramer, you came with me to Costco just for the free samples?
Kramer: (grinning) Why not, Jerry? It’s like a buffet of tiny delights! And they can’t kick me out for trying the free stuff!
(The sample person is looking at Kramer with a side eye)
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT]
Elaine returns from the restaurant, looking slightly pale. She tries to hide her discomfort from Jerry.
Elaine: (forcing a smile) Jerry, you should have been there. The food was incredible!
Jerry: (skeptical) Really? No food poisoning this time?
Elaine: (nervous laugh) Of course not, Jerry. It was perfect.
Elaine rushes to the bathroom, clearly not feeling well.
[COSTCO ENTRANCE – DAY]
Kramer, tries to enter Costco, but he is stopped at the door.
Costco Employee: Membership card sir?
Kramer: Membership?
Costco Employee: Yes, you need to be a member to enter this store.
Kramer: (whines) But I’m hungry!
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY]
George enters, looking disheveled and carrying a bag of groceries.
Jerry: (curious) George, what’s with the bag of groceries? Since when do you shop near here?
George: (nervous) Well, Jerry, I’ve discovered this amazing food bank nearby. They give away free food, and it’s fantastic!
Jerry: (raising an eyebrow) Free food, George? You?
George: (defensive) Hey, I’m on a budget, okay?
[INT. COSTCO – DELIVERY ENTRANCE – DAY]
Kramer, walks into Costco via the delivery entrance. An employee gives him the eye, but Kramer just waves and goes on his way.
Kramer: (whispering to himself) You’re a genius Kramer. Now, on to the free samples.
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY]
Elaine: (groaning) Jerry, I can’t take it anymore. Something’s not right. I have to see a doctor.
Jerry: (concerned) It’s that restaurant food, isn’t it? I told you it was a bad idea. You probably need your stomach pumped.
Elaine: (weakly) Can you just give me a ride to the doctor, please?
Jerry: (sighs) All right.
[EXT. FOOD BANK – DAY]
George is standing in line at the food bank, waiting for his turn to collect groceries. His girlfriend Amanda just happens to walk by.
Amanda: (curious) George, I didn’t know you were struggling financially. Why didn’t you tell me?
George: (stammering) Well, Amanda, you know how proud I am. I didn’t want you to worry about me.
Amanda: (supportive) George, you should’ve told me. We’re in this together.
[INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY]
Elaine sits on the examination table as the DOCTOR examines her.
Doctor: (concerned) Well, Elaine, it appears you have a case of food poisoning. Did you eat anything unusual recently?
Elaine: (sheepish) I went to a new restaurant downtown. I know the head chef. He is the son of the former owner of “Poppie’s.”
Doctor: (sighs) Poppie! I’ve familiar with him. He was a little sloppy. You might want to steer clear of that place.
Elaine: Thanks for the tip. Can you help me?
Doctor: Have you ever had your stomach pumped?
[INT. COSTCO – DELIVERY ENTRANCE – DAY]
Kramer continues his sneaky Costco sample raids, but the employees are now on high alert, watching for him.
Costco Employee: (pointing) There he is! That guy again!
Kramer: (Shoving free samples into his pockets) Who me?
Kramer makes a run for it but gets cornered.
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – EVENING]
Elaine is back from the doctor and she looks weak and tired.
Elaine: (groaning) That restaurant, Jerry, it got me good. I can’t believe I ignored your warning.
Jerry: (smirking) Well, at least you learned your lesson now.
Elaine: (weakly) The doctor said it must have been the bisque.
[EXT. FOOD BANK – DAY]
Amanda and George finish collecting a bag of groceries and head outside.
George: We will head to my place and I will cook you lunch. Then, well… (George grins) I need to stop at the bank machine first.
George pauses at the machine and opens his wallet to take out his bank card. His wallet is clearly full of bills.
Amanda: (pointing at his wallet) George, it looks like you have enough money to go to the market and buy your own food.
George: Well, why should I spend my own money on food when it’s free at the food bank?
Amanda: (disgusted) Goodbye George.
George: So no lunch then?
[INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – DAY]
Jerry receives a phone call.
Jerry: (answering the phone) Hello?
Kramer’s voice crackles over the phone.
Kramer: (panicked) Jerry, it’s me, Kramer! I snuck into Costco for the free samples. They caught me. Now I am in Costco jail.
Jerry: Costco has a jail?
Kramer: (crying) Yeah…
Jerry: Wow! They really have everything over there.
