S07E19 - The Wig Master

No: 129  |   Season: 7   Episode: 19  |   Air Date: 4-Apr-1996  |   Production #719

The two of you need to work on trust. And then and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts.The two of you need to work on trust. And then and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts.


Jerry uses Elaine to prove that a sales clerk is wrong about his looking at an expensive jacket. Elaine is picked up by the clerk. George has an unwanted house guest, a wig master for the touring company of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." He also has found a parking lot that charges $75 dollars a month; Kramer decides to put his car there. Unfortunately, he leaves his apartment key there. When he can't get his key, he is allowed to borrow a pink Cadillac. Jerry is convinced the clerk is working Elaine. George discovers why the lot is so cheap, he finds a used condom in his car and is asking a prostitute for information, just as Susan approaches. George discovers that he may have an out with Susan; she says she must be able to trust him and have no doubts. Kramer stays at Jerry's apartment. Elaine has a walking stick she lets Kramer have. Jerry tries to return his jacket, but discovers that "spite" isn't a viable reason. Kramer is allowed to borrow the back up "Electric Color Dreamcoat." Jerry is put out, when both sexes assume he isn't in a relationship with the person he is with (Elaine in one instance, the Wig Master in the other). Kramer finds a fuzzy white hat. With all the parts put together, his new ensemble is a sight to behold, just ask the NYPD after he is caught pulling a prostitute out of his borrowed car.

Director and Writers

Director: Andy Ackerman
Writers: Spike Feresten


Jerry: I'd like to return this jacket.
Clerk: Certainly. May I ask why?
Jerry: For spite.

Jerry: I'm telling you right now, Elaine, this guy's gonna dangle that dress in front of you like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule.
Elaine: Well, this is all very flattering...
Jerry: Like a shark fisherman with a bucket of chum.
Elaine: Okay.
Jerry: Like a shrimp farmer...
Elaine: Okay!

Jerry: I was thinking about the wig historically. The Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs and it seems like that must have been hard. They're going into battle, "Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?"

Jerry: I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man but I know when it went out. When the mirror was invented. No guy is looking in a mirror powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going, "All right, let's go rap to the ladies."

Salesman: The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest. That's hand ticking around the crest and these are the world-famous corisso buttons made from the finest antelope horn.
Jerry: Then they'll match my sneakers.

Jerry: Come with me to the store, and we'll pretend to look at the coat.
Elaine: That's ridiculous. Why go back there if you don't want the coat?
Jerry: Because he thinks I was lying. I wanna show him I wasn't.
Elaine: But you were.
Jerry: If you go back with me, then I'm not.

George: This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks. Now, am I wrong, or is that excessive?
Kramer: Well, Bob Sacamano, he stayed with me once for a year and a half.

George: He's with the touring company of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He's the guy in charge of the wigs.
Jerry: Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice.

Prostitute: Get lost, mister. I'm trying to make a living here.
George: I'll pay for your time. I just need some information. How much do you want? Ten? Fifteen? You have change for 20?
Prostitute: Fifteen?
Susan: George?

Susan: If I can't trust you, there's no way that this can work.
George: Really?
Susan: Yeah.
George: Well, then you really have something to think about because, you know, if there's any doubt in your mind, and it doesn't even have to be a big doubt, you know. Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt
Susan: There's no doubt.
George: Because if there's any doubt at all, I feel that we should cultivate it.

Kramer: The two of you need to work on trust. And then, and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts. The cornerstones of a healthy relationship.

George: What are you talking about? I want my car.
Parking Attendant: We ask that you please bear with us.
George: Bear with you? This is a parking lot. People are supposed to be able to get their cars.
Parking Attendant: Ideally.

Jerry: Are you asking him out?
Jesse: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Jerry: Right in front of me? How do you know we're not together? Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking champagne coolies.

Police: Okay, big daddy, take the hat off. All right, turn to your right. I said turn, pimp!
Kramer: I'm not a pimp.

Notes and Trivia

Jerry says that he's interested in buying a crested blazer because he "once wore one" and liked it. It Jerry is referring to the blazer he wore in the previous episode, "The Friars Club".

George seems to have had a change of heart since "The Parking Space", where he proclaims that he can never bring himself to parking in a lot, because "parking in a lot is like going to a prostitute, why pay for it, when if i apply myself i can get it for free." But seems very enthusastic about parking in the Jiffy Park lot.

In the final scene, the police officer's voice that says, "I said turn pimp", is the voice of Larry David.

The man at "Jiffy Park" tells Kramer to take it up with Consumer Affairs. Later, in S08E21 "The Muffin Tops" Kramer tells the operator at "Jiffy Dump", "maybe I will take it up with Consumer Affairs!"

Kramer's mug shot number is NYPD 331781-0404.

The exterior shot of the Broadway theatre George meets the wig master at is The Majestic on West 44th Street, and had been the home of the Broadway production of Andrew Lloyd Webber's "The Phantom of the Opera" since 1988.


When George and Susan talk about having doubts, at one point George's right hand drops to his side. In the next shot, the hand is raised and Susan is holding it.

When George talks to the Jiffy-Park attendant about getting his deposit back, the attendant spreads his hands while he talks. In the next shot, they are clasped together.

When Craig sits down on the couch with Elaine, he faces forward as he gets settled. In the next shot, he is facing Elaine.


Jerry SeinfeldJerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-DreyfusElaine Benes
Michael RichardsCosmo Kramer
Jason AlexanderGeorge Costanza
Heidi SwedbergSusan Ross
Patrick BristowWig Master
Harry Van GorkumCraig
Gina MastrogiacomoProstitute
Kim ChaseCharmaine
Chaim JeraffiJiffy Park Guy
Michael McDonaldJesse (as Michael James McDonald)
Pamela DillmanSalesperson
Zack PhiferBob
Shashi BhatiaFlower Girl
Norman BrennerIan
Ruth CohenRuthie Cohen
Larry DavidPolice Officer (voice) (uncredited)
Victor Wayne HarrisMan at Jiffy Park (uncredited)